


Bainbridge & Bob's Big Day

by MotherOfSnakes



Category: The Mighty Boosh (TV)
Genre: Accidental Voyeurism, Anal Sex, Boss/Employee Relationship, British Comedy, Comedy, Desk Sex, Gay Sex, Humour, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-20
Updated: 2017-06-20
Packaged: 2018-11-16 09:19:43
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,538
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11250180
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MotherOfSnakes/pseuds/MotherOfSnakes
Summary: Bainbridge happens to see Howard and Vince in a compromising position, and decides he needs to sate his own urges. Fossil is happy to oblige.Humorous smut.





	Bainbridge & Bob's Big Day

 Dixon Bainbridge was in a foul mood. Those two trouble-making keepers, Howard Moon and Vince Noir, were missing again when they should have been working. It had been happening more and more often lately – Bainbridge would go for a stroll around his zoo, enjoying the way his staff cringed and cowered while he shouted at them for various misdeeds, both real and imagined, only to find that Moon and Noir were nowhere to be found. He was fed up with them shirking their duties, and was determined to find them this time and discipline them severely.

 Without success, Bainbridge had combed every enclosure in the zoo, plus the restaurant, gift shop, toilets, the secret lab where he had created his mutants, and Naboo's kiosk (where he'd noticed a strong, smoky smell of something that wasn't tobacco, and made a mental note to yell at the shaman once he'd finished with Moon and Noir). The only place left was the hut where the keepers took their breaks. Bainbridge strode towards it, muttering furiously to himself under his breath. He was really going to let them have it this time ...

 As he approached the hut, Bainbridge heard raised voices coming from inside. It sounded like Moon and Noir. Smirking with satisfaction, he marched up to the hut and prepared to kick the door open. Just before his foot connected with the wood, something about the voices from the other side made him pause. They sounded ... odd. Raised, yes, but not as if they were arguing. There were lots of gasps and moans, and they seemed to be saying each other's names a lot. A suspicion began to grow in Bainbridge's mind.

 Glancing over at the window, he saw that the curtains had been hastily drawn, leaving a crack down the centre. He crept over, shielding his face with his hands against the light, and peered through. What he saw made his jaw drop. Noir was on his hands and knees on the floor, stark naked. Moon, also naked, was kneeling behind him, his big hands gripping Noir's narrow hips, his cock buried to the hilt inside him. Both were covered in a sheen of sweat and panting heavily. So this was what they'd been getting up to! He supposed he shouldn't have been surprised – any halfwit could see that the pair of them were in love – but he didn't know things had progressed this far between them.

 As Bainbridge watched, Moon pulled out a little way and thrust back in, drawing cries of pleasure from his partner and himself. Bainbridge didn't even think of looking away, or of interrupting. He found the sight disturbingly erotic. It had been a long time since he'd been with a man, and he'd almost forgotten what it was like. Seeing Moon and Noir together brought the memories rushing back into his mind, and the blood rushing into his cock.

 Moon was thrusting faster now, and had reached under Noir's belly to stroke his cock. Seconds later, Noir was coming over his fist, shouting Moon's name. Moon gave a strangled gasp that Bainbridge guessed signalled his own orgasm, and collapsed onto Noir's back. The two of them sank down on the floor and lay there, spent.

 Bainbridge turned away from the window, adjusting his trousers to try and hide his arousal. There'd be time to berate the two keepers later – right now he needed to satisfy his urges. As he hurried back to his office, he tried to think of any of his employees who might be willing, or if not willing then able to be blackmailed. He'd barely closed the door when there was a knock. Settling himself behind his desk, Bainbridge shouted: "Who the Hell is that?"

 A man's voice in an American accent replied: "It's Bobby-Bob-Bob, the potato king."

 Of course! Bob Fossil! He worshipped Bainbridge and would do anything for him. Anything. "Get in here, Fossil!" Bainbridge ordered.

 Fossil scuttled through the door and perched himself on the edge of the desk, gazing at Bainbridge adoringly. "Can I get you anything, cupcake?" he simpered.

 "Shut up and take your clothes off," Bainbridge snapped.

 Fossil stared at him in a mixture of delight and disbelief. "Uh ... what did you say, Bainbridge?" he queried. He wanted to be absolutely sure he'd heard correctly. He'd had problems in this area before – there had been occasions in the past when he'd thought someone was asking him, for example, to come out for a romantic candle-lit dinner for two, only to find out when the police turned up, or he woke up in hospital, that they had apparently told him to sod off or there'd be trouble.

 "I told you to shut your mouth and take that stupid blue suit off," said Bainbridge. "And I mean now, you idiot!"

 "Yes, sir, Bainbridge, sir!" said Fossil gleefully, and saluted before starting to strip off his several-sizes-too-small suit.

 Bainbridge watched impatiently, groping himself through his trousers. Fossil certainly seemed keen, he thought. Moments later, the plump American was standing before him wearing nothing but a pair of faded blue Y-fronts. It wasn't the most appealing sight, but Bainbridge was too aroused to care. "Lose the pants," he commanded.

 Fossil saluted again and peeled them off, revealing his own arousal. Bainbridge stood up and strode around the desk, unzipping his flies as he went. He stopped behind Fossil and grabbed him by the shoulder, shoving him roughly forward and down. Fossil put out his hands to steady himself on the desk and stayed there, bent obediently over it, when Bainbridge let him go. "Ooh, I feel like a naked puppy!" he squealed, wiggling his rear around excitedly. "Are you gonna take me to Sausage Town, Bainbridge, huh?"

 "I thought I told you to shut up," growled Bainbridge, but without much hope of Fossil actually doing so. He'd never heard him be quiet for more than about four seconds at a time.

 "I'm sorry, precious," Fossil cooed, "I'm just so happy! I've dreamed about us making sweet, sweet love for so long ..."

 Rolling his eyes and trying not to listen, Bainbridge shoved his trousers and underwear down, spat on his hand and slicked the saliva over his throbbing cock. He lined himself up and, with one brutally hard thrust, drove himself into the eager body before him. Fossil cried out, whether with pain or pleasure, or both, Bainbridge wasn't sure and didn't much care. He seized Fossil's hips to hold him still and settled into a rhythm of powerful thrusts. The tightness and heat felt good around his cock, and it soon became apparent that Fossil was thoroughly enjoying himself, yelping delightedly with each thrust and shouting nonsensical endearments.

 Bainbridge was getting close when a knock at the door sounded from behind him. "Get lost!" he yelled.

 "Bainbridge?" a voice queried from the other side of the door. It sounded like Noir.

 "I said get lost!"

 "But Naboo said you wanted to see ..."

 Suddenly everything was happening at once. With an ecstatic shriek, Fossil came over the desk in front of him. His orgasm caused his muscles to contract around Bainbridge's cock, triggering Bainbridge's own climax. At the same time, the door banged open and Bainbridge, looking over his shoulder in a mixture of fury and horror, saw Moon and Noir standing there, wearing identical expressions of shock and disgust.

 " _Yeeaaargh_!" screeched Noir. "My eyes! My eyes!"

 Moon clapped a hand over his mouth as though he might vomit.

 "Oh, God," groaned Bainbridge, pulling out of Fossil and yanking his trousers up.

 "You and Fossil?" gasped Noir. "You and Fossil are ...?"

 "We're not anything," snarled Bainbridge. "And whatever you saw you keep to yourselves, do you hear? Otherwise I might have to mention what I saw you two getting up to in the keepers' hut earlier."

 Noir's mouth fell soundlessly open, and Moon blushed a deep red, muttering: "Oh ... you ... er ... you saw ...?"

 "Yes, I saw everything. So let's just all forget the unpleasant things we've seen today, shall we? Good day, sirs."

 "But ..."

 "I said good day sirs!"

 Moon and Noir turned and scurried out of the office. Bainbridge looked back at Fossil, who was still naked and slumped over the desk, smiling up at Bainbridge with a blissful expression on his face. "That was wonderful, pumpkin," he fawned.

 "Get dressed, Fossil," said Bainbridge. "And get out. And not a word of this to anyone, understood?"

 "Yes, Bainbridge. My lips are sealed like a dolphin's bung-hole."

 Bainbridge returned to sitting behind his desk while Fossil pulled on his clothes, buttoning his too-tight shirt with some difficulty over his bulging belly. He kept shooting sly, hopeful little glances at Bainbridge while he dressed. When Bainbridge still hadn't spoken by the time he was fully clothed again, he looked directly at him and asked tentatively: "Bainbridge? We are gonna do this again, aren't we, sweetheart?"

 "Get out!" Bainbridge bellowed.

 Ducking his head to try and hide his disappointment, Fossil headed for the door. He'd just reached it when Bainbridge's voice pulled him up short.

 "Fossil!"

 "Yes, Bainbridge?"

 "Same time tomorrow. And for God's sake wear some newer pants!"

 Fossil grinned, and blew his beloved a kiss before walking through the door.


End file.
